Relational Dialectics

The Relational Dialectics Theory that we looked at is focused on the assumption that there are 3 "tensions" within relationships that people manage. The theory also says that there is no way to get rid of these tensions, we simply must learn to manage them. The three tensions are integration-seperation, stability-change, and expression-nonexpression. Also, the theory says that each tension occurs internally and externally. I loved this theory because I am in the early stages of a relationship with my boyfriend and I can definitely see some of these tensions present in our relationship.

For example, with the idea of integration-seperation tension, Derek (my boyfriend) and I spend a lot of time together. We see each other everyday, sometimes several times a day. I see this working in our relationship when I want Derek to know everything, but also when I have certain things that I would rather him not know. Also, when we are at work, including him in afterwork activities sometimes becomes a struggle for me, and also for him because we do want certain aspects of our lives to be secluded for just ourselves. Also, I think the concept of stability-change is incredibly accurate, especially in romantic relationships. I want our relationship to be a for sure thing, something I know I can always count on. I want it to be predictable in a way. However, along with that, in a relationship you always want a little excitement, and there is tension between how much of the relationship should be predictable and how much should be left to the unknown. The last tension has definitely made an impact on Derek and I's relationship. It deals with expression-nonexpression. Derek is a very expressive person and won't hesistate to tell me what he is feeling. However, I am the opposite and I always struggle with whether or not I should reveal my feelings to him.

This theory is definitely applicable, and definitely has the real life examples to back up the research.